I have been wanting to write my experience with loneliness. I just finished reading the late Marina Keegan's essay, "The Opposite of Loneliness". I just brought that up for those of you who want to read an essay written by a Yale magna cum laude. Plus, it sort of fits today's topic.
I can't believe how fast the holidays went by. And now I am back in my room in INTEC, worrying about applications which I totally ignored during the holidays. So much happened the past year, even towards the end of it. The night does change, huh. But lets leave it at that. It is a new year and lets hope my new mojo lives long.
When I wrote my last post, I was living alone in my apartment/house. My housemates are in a different program and so they had left for their one-month break. I don't know how to describe what I felt back then. At first, I felt really good about the amount of privacy I enjoyed. Imagine four people staying in one house. I did feel a bit cooped up. And so, I found being alone was refreshing. Don't get me wrong I love my housemates but I had been looking forward to live "independently". ( During my friend's mum's time in Akasia, there were a total of eight people in one house. EIGHT! That is double of us. I can't imagine. but I guess I am an introvert at heart.)
Things were lovely at first. I turned my other two housemates' room into a prayer and dressing room. I hogged all four study tables. I controlled the level of hygiene in the house. I liked it all. But soon, the novelty wore off. Not entirely. But enough to make me crave for human company. I came to dread being alone on my last few days at my college residence.Classes and eventually, exams went on as usual. They kept me sane, I guess. But coming home to an empty house and knowing I would spend my time alone till class next morning just made me feel...really lonely.
Due to circumstances, I was one of the last few to go home at the end of the semester. My last night in Shah Alam was spent at a dear friend's house. And it was great. I got time to catch up with some friends. Knowing that everyone else was leaving the next day, I left my for my aunt's.
I used to think I can stand being alone. I still do, but I don't think I can bear going through that experience again. I know I may sound like I am contradicting myself, but I sort of cherish that experience. It really wasn't all that awful. It is really a mix of good and bad memories. It is just that the dreadful feeling I felt at the end of my stay mitigated the wonderfulness of being alone. Lets just say, I knew myself better after being lonely for so long.
I can't believe how fast the holidays went by. And now I am back in my room in INTEC, worrying about applications which I totally ignored during the holidays. So much happened the past year, even towards the end of it. The night does change, huh. But lets leave it at that. It is a new year and lets hope my new mojo lives long.
When I wrote my last post, I was living alone in my apartment/house. My housemates are in a different program and so they had left for their one-month break. I don't know how to describe what I felt back then. At first, I felt really good about the amount of privacy I enjoyed. Imagine four people staying in one house. I did feel a bit cooped up. And so, I found being alone was refreshing. Don't get me wrong I love my housemates but I had been looking forward to live "independently". ( During my friend's mum's time in Akasia, there were a total of eight people in one house. EIGHT! That is double of us. I can't imagine. but I guess I am an introvert at heart.)
Things were lovely at first. I turned my other two housemates' room into a prayer and dressing room. I hogged all four study tables. I controlled the level of hygiene in the house. I liked it all. But soon, the novelty wore off. Not entirely. But enough to make me crave for human company. I came to dread being alone on my last few days at my college residence.Classes and eventually, exams went on as usual. They kept me sane, I guess. But coming home to an empty house and knowing I would spend my time alone till class next morning just made me feel...really lonely.
Due to circumstances, I was one of the last few to go home at the end of the semester. My last night in Shah Alam was spent at a dear friend's house. And it was great. I got time to catch up with some friends. Knowing that everyone else was leaving the next day, I left my for my aunt's.
I used to think I can stand being alone. I still do, but I don't think I can bear going through that experience again. I know I may sound like I am contradicting myself, but I sort of cherish that experience. It really wasn't all that awful. It is really a mix of good and bad memories. It is just that the dreadful feeling I felt at the end of my stay mitigated the wonderfulness of being alone. Lets just say, I knew myself better after being lonely for so long.
